" Knowing How To Argue Effectively
Gets You What You Want,
When You Know These 3 Words"

Arguments begin when couples don't really listen to one another.

He begins to argue when he feels he's being attacked by you. (criticised, constantly told what to do, negative comments about his ideas and actions, not being listened to...) He's putting up his defenses.

She begins to argue when she feels he doesn't care. (feels disrespected, not being listened too, less loved, controlled, feelings hurt...) Then when he doesn't acknowledge how she feels, she reacts to him the way she feels - emotional, angry, resentful.

Both then disconnect because the energy between them is very low. The respect for one another is low, the trust for one another is low and both become very defensive. Both have their guards up.

The tones in each of their voices change.

The vibe between them is negative.

He wants to be right or just wants to fix the problem - The End!

She wants to tell him how she feels, ask him questions and she becomes anxious, emotional, angry and very critical.

Words and emotions erupt due to a lack of trust, respect and the biggest issue - blaming one another!

In short men need to ask women more questions and women need to become less anxious, less emotional, less critical and talk less

Knowing how to argue effectively with one another just takes some skill!

Here's how...

"To know how to argue successfully you must remember 3 essential words"

Something I desperately needed to learn.

"Instead of arguing you want to learn how to Communicate, Listen and Negotiate with your partner so you're both happy and still connected"

The more I talked and tried to get my partner to listen to me, the more I pushed him, to not want to listen to me.

There you have it.

”He’s not listening to me!”

I finally learnt to understand why my partner wouldn’t listen to me.

It was because...

"I was not listening to him either"

So instead of arguing you must learn how to:

Communicate what you want because men aren't mind readers

Tell him how you feel - short and sweet

Get to the point otherwise he'll switch off You now know the 3 essential words on how to argue - Communicate, Listen, Negotiate

So how do you Communicate, Listen and Negotiate with him?

"The 5 Successful Steps On How To Argue Effectively And Get What You Want"

• 1. Talk to him calmly and with a smile because you are about to negotiate with him
• 2. Tell your partner how you feel and use the word feel, tell him what you want, ask him what he thinks and then stop talking
• 3. Listen carefully to what he says
• 4. Respond calmly to what he says
• 5. Negotiate a solution to suit the both of you

Now you have to be prepared to...

"Talk together about "stuff" that needs to be discussed on a set day"

"Stuff" may be about money matters, work, holidays - anything important you or he feels needs to be discussed together.

It's kind of like setting an appointment. You're both prepared at that time and on that day to talk and listen to one another.

My partner and I have our "stuff" talk Monday mornings over a coffee. This way the rest of the week isn't filled with half conversations in the midst of everyday life. Conversations brought up at the wrong time and destroying the mood for the rest of the day.

I know it's not always possible to wait and talk about "stuff" on your set day, so what do you do then?

"Follow these 3 how to argue scripts and you'll always be prepared to know how to talk to your partner"

Prepare your partner that you need to discuss something with him when he gets home from work, after dinner, before you go to bed.

For example, calmly say to him, "Honey I really feel the need to talk to you about...before we go to bed tonight. Is that o.k with you? or what do you think?"

Or sometimes your partner may come up to you anxiously trying to discuss something with you, while you're already doing 3 other things.

It's ok to say to him, calmly and with a smile, " Honey I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment and I'm really busy here. I won't be able to listen to you right now. Would you wait a (few minutes, an hour, until tonight) so I can give you my undivided attention."

Maybe your partner is in a bad mood or he's angry with you so he starts yelling at you and you were just doing your own thing. Of couse you feel attacked but whatever you do, don't allow yourself to get involved in his argument. That's exactly what he wants from you.

It's time to say to him calmly yet assertively, "I can hear you're (angry, upset) and I'm feeling (attacked, uncomfortable). I am not going to talk to until you calm down." Remove yourself from that space you're in with him. He may follow you and keep yelling but it won't be long and he'll notice he's not geting the response from you he was expecting. He will settle down.

Then you can say to him, "What was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

• Knowing how to argue is about communicating, listening and negotiating with one another
• Discuss important "stuff" with your partner on a set day just like an appointment
• Or use the scripts when "stuff" needs to be discussed before your set day or how to handle spontaneous emotions or situations

For example one of our talks about "stuff" was over a coffee on a Monday morning

Conversation 1.

1. Stay calm and smile

2. I said “I’m feeling overwhelmed being at home with the kids and I feel I need a change of scenery. It would do the kids and us good too. I was thinking of going on a camping trip for the weekend. What do you think?”

3. My partner’s response was, “Ya sounds like a good idea to get away but I’d rather go to a resort for the weekend.”

4. I said, “O.K... is it you’d rather go to a resort for the weekend than go camping because, is it you don’t like camping?”

His response, “It’s not that I don’t like camping I just don’t find camping relaxing when the kids are still so small and it's just for a short weekend.”

5. I responded with, “O.K I understand how you feel and to be honest I don’t mind what we do or where we go. I’ll find out what kind resorts are available and then I’ll let you know and we’ll just go from there.”

My partner’s response, “Sounds good babe”

And that’s how it’s done

We didn't get into an argument because we know how to argue effectively.

This conversation between us would have sounded very differently not too long ago if we didn't apply the communicating, listening and negotiating techniques I learnt from Bob Grant, The Relationship Doctor and Rori Raye, The Relationship Coach. Just look at this... Arguing is beneath a woman.


"I also learnt how to deal with anger"


What to do when my partner was angry with me and when I was angry with him.

What does this mean for you?

For the most of us, isn't that the reason why we've become so emotionally disconnected from our partners or our husbands?

We've forgotten how to communicate?

How to really listen to one another?

How to deal with our emotions, especially anger?

And most importantly many of us never learnt how to negotiate with our partner. (These how to argue skills can even be used with your children, parents, siblings, friends)

The result?... We've forgotten how to reconnect with our partners!

Most importantly why knowing the skills of how to argue is so important to be in a happy and connected relationship

Our conversations once went something like this and also at the most inappropiate time

Conversation 2.

My tone of voice would have been anxious and pushy.

“We should go camping for the weekend. I’m sick of being stuck at home, I need a change.”

His response, “Ya sounds like a good idea to get away but I’d rather go to a resort for the weekend.”

My response was more like, “You don’t ever want to go camping, you just want to stay at home and do nothing. Why don’t you want to go camping? You never want to do anything I want to do.”

And then my partner would begin to shut down and only hear bla, bla, bla.

I wouldn’t get another response so I'd push for a response.

Getting irritated, I'd say “Why can’t you just tell me if you want to go camping or not?”

He'd say "I just did!"

The tones of our voices would raise.

I'd say,"No you didn’t, you just want to go to some resort. Why don’t you want to do something different for a change?"

I'd still get no response and he'd be walking away from me.

Eventually, we either had an argument or we'd both withdrew into silence by putting up our barriers.

We had know idea how to argue effectively.

Can you see the difference between the two conversations about the same topic? Very different, aern't thay?

In conversation 1. my partner and I communicated, we listened to one another and we both got what we wanted. I got my weekend away and my partner didn't have to go camping. We were both happy and we had a great time too.

In conversation 2. the exact opposite happened. We didn't know how to argue effectively, nothing was solved and we were both left with emotional pain.

One thing's for sure...Just by the way you communicate and listen to your partner, by respecting one another and negotiating a solution, it will make an astonishing change to your relationship.

You will find the two of you reconnecting by knowing how to argue effectively. It only needs you to start this amazing change. Try it, you won't regret it.