"Relationship Communication Skills Is About Knowing How To Argue Effectively Too. Here's My Story!"

Relationship Communication Skills...Learn How To Argue better with your partner.

I accidently burnt a pot while cooking. I have to admit I have burnt a few in my relationship. Anyway my partner got really upset and even angry that I burnt the pot.

“How can you burn the pot,” he fumed.

“I’m sorry, it was an accident. The sauce cooked too quickly and I didn’t turn the heat down fast enough.” I calmly replied.

Then he continued on, “It’s not the first time this has happened, you shouldn’t let it happen.”

Then I said, “I’ll clean the pot, it will be ok.”

“You just don’t get it” and his voice began to raise.

I was so perplexed by his outburst I really didn’t know what to say. All I could really here in our relationship conflict was, that tone of voice I so dislike.

This is where relationship communication takes skill.

Why was he that upset about a burnt pot? I thought.

I didn't say anything straight away, even though inside I could feel my hurt emotions building up. However, I knew I had to not let my emotions get the better of me.

We were both quiet for awhile. I let him cool off and I cleaned the burnt pot.

I began to wonder…

Is the burnt pot the real issue here?

That evening after we put our two little boys to bed I calmly asked him…

“I said I was sorry about burning the pot so why are you still so upset with me?”

"You don’t listen; I’ve told you before about the burnt pots and it still happens. You don’t fix the problem.” My partner said getting into a rage again.

Ok I thought, I wasn’t going to bed until we had some better relationship communication going on and “fixed the problem.”

“You still don’t get it, do you?” he looked at me and said it in that tone.

“When you get in a rage I feel attacked and I just hear that tone of voice I so dislike. Would you please tell me why you are so upset with me softly because that would make me feel better?” I said to him with a half smile and a touch on his hand.

“It’s not about the burnt pot; I don’t care about the pot.” My partner then replied in a softer tone of voice.

“If it’s not about the burnt pot what is it then?” I asked confused.

It took a few minutes for an answer but I just kept contact with him.

“It would kill me if anything would happen to you and the boys if the house was to catch fire - it happens!”

Then I understood why he was so upset and angry.

I replied with a "I understand, Thankyou. I'll be more careful, I promise."

For some of us this sounds ridiculous. A pot burning, catching fire and the house burning down while you're there stirring the pot. I thought so too at first but none the less I wasn't going to argue with how my partner felt about this.

You can see how another argument could have easily escalated. Obviously he was concerned and this was impotant to my partner. This is about respecting and listening to one another. This is also an important skill...

Knowing when to say thankyou or I understand and just shut up

He nodded and said “Sorry for loosen my cool,”

And I gave him a smile and a kiss.

That was an important lesson for the both of us. A reminder how much we do mean to one another, a reminder how important relationship communication is, knowing when to stop and not let a relationship conflict build up on a pile of other conflicts.

My partners comment, “You don’t listen; I’ve told you before about the burnt pots and it still happens. You don’t fix the problem.”

Recaping better relationship communication skills

1. If one gets in a rage of anger it's important for the other partner to not react with anger back. Wait it out - like letting the storm pass. It's easier said than done so it does take practice to remind yourself how to react when in these situations.

2. When the storm of rage has passed, take the step to talk. Stay calm when communicating and only talk about the conflicting issue when the both of you have cooled off.

3. Take the step and tell him how you feel about the situation you're both in and how you can find a solution together. Listen to his response.

4. Know when to stop talking to avoid another conflict and a rollercoaster of emotions.

Knowing how to argue effectively gets you what you want when you know these 3 words

“You don’t fix the problem” is a typical mans way of thinking. Men like to fix the problems but sometimes fixing the problem isn’t enough. Our feelings get involved. It’s hard for men to express their feelings but the truth of how you feel has to be told so you can get that emotional closeness or bond with your loved one.

Two wonderful Quotes from Truly Mars and Venus: The Illustrated Essential Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray, PH.D

“A man’s sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results.”

“A woman’s sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships.”

I could relate well to these two quotes in our relationship communication conflict because my partner wanted the problem fixed and I was confused with my feelings in our conflicting situation.

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